Seriously?

I'm struggling with some things tonight. I don't understand why it's so hard for some people to accept the fact that they're an adult and should start acting like one. I had my time in my early and mid-twenties where I partied and acted a fool, but those days were terrible and I regret them heavily. I think about all the good things in life that I missed out on and how I'll never get to make up for them. I'm a few months away from 30 and I'm pissed that I had my life together and because of Brian, all of it fell apart. School, a career, all of it down the shitter now after all of my hard work. Why do I allow people to make me feel this way? I'll never understand that selfishness. How can you live your life for yourself and claim to care so much about others? Maybe it's just me and I'm so vial that I can't be cared about, or maybe it's because I allow myself to be everyone's doormat. I'm more pissed today than I have been in a while. I can't stand selfishness! Get over yourself and be responsible! It must be nice to do whatever you want, whenever you feel like it. It must be nice to treat someone however you want and know that they're still going to be there because they love you. I wouldn't know. See, I'm a mother. My life is for my kids. It's the hardest job that I've ever had to do and I do it day and night with only myself to depend on. Men have it so easy. They know that the woman is always going to take care of the kids so they get to take a break. I guess maybe I'm bitter because it's been my experience that they tend to think "Oh, it's ok, Kristin will take care of everything, she's the mom, it's her job"... with the exception of Micah (because he stepped up), I've been the one that's done everything. Do I complain? I try not to and I've always tried to be thankful for being blessed with my children. I believe that every baby is a blessing and no one should have the right to decide to end that life. I've been there, done that, and it was the most physical and emotionally painful decision I've ever made. I'm thankful for my babies... why the fuck can't everyone feel that way??? Being a single mom is so hard. I'm exhausted, I'm stressed, I'm overjoyed, I'm never alone, and yet, I'm so lonely. Yeah I'm bitching tonight. If you only knew...