It sucks to be sick

I think last night may have been one of the longest nights that I can remember. Seeing as though I managed to make through fall and the nasty IN and OH winter without getting sick, it would figure that I come down with a cold when it's close to a hundred degrees outside. Jude went to be a little before 8 o'clock last night (don't think he's feeling too grand either), and I was sure to have Emma and Aiden tucked in by 8:30 so I could pass out. I lost count of how many times I woke up. For some reason, Jude has been waking up around 2am lately. He's been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old, so I'm not sure what it's about, but I think I'll have a talk with him about the matter today. He should know that I don't enjoy middle of the night feedings!

I've been having really weird dreams lately. I don't remember all of them, mostly just bits and pieces. They aren't bad dreams, just strange, so I'm ok with that. It's been a while since I've awakened to my heart pounding, sitting straight up in bed, sweating like Richard Simmons in spandex. I am becoming more immune to Brian and what has happened. I've moved into the hatred stage, and with that, I don't think about him really at all now. I just simply don't care. I'm sure in another week, something will piss me off and I'll be back to ranting about how he should be dead.

Today is the last full day with Emmma and Aiden here. I'm very sad about that, but I know that I will see them soon. I'm hoping to be able to make a visit to Woodbridge for a day when I'm out in MD in a couple weeks. I'm just not ready to let them go yet. If it were up to me, I wouldn't. I'm trying to prepare myself for the sadness that I will be facing in the next few days. It's not easy being away from your children for so long, and then having to let them go again. I hate being so far away from them. There's nothing I can do to protect them or guide them. I can't see their artwork over the phone or give them hugs and kisses. I'm not ready to go through this again.