Everyone leaves

For the past 9 months, he was a part of my life. It wasn't daily at first, but I felt an immediate connection. From the first time we spoke, I felt that he was put in my life for a reason. I didn't know much about him, and it wasn't until December, that he began to open up. In those nine months, he went from being an acquaintance, to a good friend, to my boyfriend, and during the time that we were together, he became my best friend. I've been able to tell him anything and everything and not once did he judge me.

He was kind enough to fly all the way to IN, help me pack an entire house (with a few naps here and there), then proceeded to move almost everything I owned including some ridiculously heavy furniture onto a uhaul. Seeing as I was 6 months pregnant at the time, I helped as much as he would allow, but he didn't allow much. And then he drove that damn truck from IN to OH. Never in my life, have I met someone so wonderful that would do that for me let alone anyone else. He showed me that there are still good men out there when I had lost all hope. I won't go into detail, but in many ways, I owe my life to him.

I felt in my heart that God sent him for me. I still do and that's the sad part. I can't convince someone that things would work out. I don't know if letting go is the right thing. I don't want to lose that friendship, but after becoming more than a friend to me, I can't go back. I didn't fall in love overnight. It took me a good while to get to that point but when I did finally fall, I hit hard. So now what do I do with a heart that is so full of love for someone that I can't have anymore? I don't want to lose him, but I can't bear the thought of being a friend and then at some point seeing him with someone else. I've been there before and I can't go through that again.

I gave God everything that I could. I gave Him my life and I trusted in Him that no matter what I was going through, He would see me through. So what good does it do to take away another person that I love? Why does He put people in my life only to take them away? I miss my children so much, do I really have to lose him too? I know this is my choice, but I don't think I could handle it. I want so badly to be loved and for someone to fight for me, just this once. I doubt this makes any sense to anyone else, but love, if you read this... I will miss you forever. I wish that it could be different. My heart aches without you and I'm afraid that it will for some time. I won't forget you. Thank you for everything that you've done for me.