Blah

Tonight just sucks. Last night was a long and miserable night, and today was an even longer day. The stress is starting to get to me, but at least I've been able to keep a positive attitude. At some point, things are bound to turn around, but it's terrifying leaving my fate in the hands of someone that I'm not even sure cares that much anymore. It makes me so mad that Brian gets a good life. He's going back to school, gets disability every month, has the support of his family and girlfriend... meanwhile I'm busting my ass just trying to find a job, fix my car, and somehow affording medical care that I desperately need to survive while trying to figure out how I'm going to pay all of my doctor and hospital bills. Why is it so easy for him and who decided that his life should be better than mine? He's a liar! I'm an honest and good person who gets shit on all the time. I'll never understand how the world works. God, I'm just so stressed out all the time. I've been trying to suppress it and I've been doing a good job, but tonight just SUCKS. I'm lonely, but there's only one person I want to talk to or be around and I promised myself that I'd back off. It's funny because there are guys here that would love my attention, but I'm so hung up on someone so far away that probably doesn't even give a rat's ass. I have no desire to look at another man or talk to any other than the 3 guys that I love the most (besides my sons, of course). Everybody is happy and I'm just blah. My stomach hurts again. It's going to be another long night. Alone.