well folks, it's been a while. A lot has happened since I last posted. For starters, I had a baby. Yes, another one. This is a good time to address something that's really pissed me off for quite some time now. Yes, I have SIX children. We may not be the most conventional family, but I love being a mother to all six of them. People have made comments to me about the number of kids that I have and though they may only be joking, I don't find your humor as funny. In fact, it's down right offensive. I'm a good mother, and I take good care of the kids that I can take care of. No, I don't have Jack, but I have accepted what has happened and I still have faith that he will know I am mom, and we will see each other again. I've come a long way in the past couple of years and I'm proud of that. My children are not a concern to you, general public, because you aren't supporting them in any way. We're not on welfare, we're not on WIC, we accept no charity from anyone. Our bills are always paid, and we live a comfortable life. So I don't think that anyone should be concerned with the number of children that I have given birth to. Simply put, if you don't like it, then don't YOU have six children! I however, am happy with my large family!
I can't believe how fast the time flies. Today is my Sarah's 13th birthday! I am now the mother of a teenager (Lord help me), and she never ceases to make me a proud mama. It seems like just yesterday that I brought her home from the hospital, a scared and irresponsible 18 year old. Today, she is taller than me, smarter than me, and will definitely go on to do amazing things throughout her life. Another year, and they're all older. With Jude turning 2 on the 16th, we will finally conclude birthday season 2012 with one more new birthday added to the mix for next year. It's amazing how God has blessed this family with the means to give each child presents!
I will admit though that I am happy to be finished with child bearing. We are thrilled with our little Nolan and he is a wonderful note to end on. It's been a crazy seven weeks, but I feel that we're finally settling into a routine with him. A little acid reflux wasn't going to bring this brood down!
It's funny how I forgot so many things about having a newborn. You would think that a seasoned pro such as myself would be accustomed to the chaos that a new little one can bring into life, but I don't think anyone can ever get used to sleep deprivation. I am a firm believer that the only reason anyone has more than one child is because God has created new mom amnesia. Though his EXTREMELY painful birth, the constant crying, the waking up every two hours all night, every night, are fresh in my memory now, I will have completely forgotten about all of that in a year. It's also helpful that he's so cute!
The worst part about having a baby (for me at least), is dealing with the body of a postpartum woman. I'm older now, and it seems to be taking longer to get back to my old self. I'm happy about every other aspect of my life, except this one. I'm not thrilled with the fact that I still need to lose 30 lbs to get back to "me". I'm going to continue trying hard and ignoring how exhausted I am because I know that the only one that can change me is, well, me. I'm grateful to have a husband that thinks I'm beautiful no matter how nasty I look at the moment. I guess he really does love me! I just wish that I loved myself as much.
I would love to be one of those women that is comfortable in their own skin, but that's just not in my DNA. Maybe I should blame the media, or the fashion magazines that I'm obsessed with, but I feel like I won't ever love myself (at least my body) unless I'm a size two with my ribs showing. I've always battled with my self image and I'm pretty unhappy about it. I tell myself that it's normal and I just gave birth, but I feel like I'm being judged when I'm out in public. I feel as though I look like I'm two hundred pounds. How ridiculous! So it's up to me to do something about it. I'll keep you updated on my progress. I know I have the ability to do it... I've done it six times already!
On that note, it's time to get off of my fat ass, and accomplish something productive. Until next time...
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