Halloween

I'm ok, it's going to be alright. Just another day, another sad memory, but new memories were made and that keeps me strong. It's the little things that still get to me on occasion. A year ago, I took Jack to the mall on Halloween because he was only a year old, Brian was working, and I thought that Jack was still a bit too young to do anything for the occasion. We just had a little mommy-son date night. Had I known that a year from then I wouldn't get the chance to see my little one donning a costume and begging for candy, I would have taken in every moment. Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is ever certain. It's such a small thing, but I see it now as something huge that was taken for granted. I miss him so very much.

I took that as a lesson. I feel like with Jude, I'm constantly thinking to take pictures, and absorb every second that I can so that I'm not feeling like anything is being taken for granted. I put his monkey suit on him and we walked the neighborhood with big sister, Sarah. He slept the entire time, but at least I can always look back to his first Halloween and have no regrets. I don't know what Jack did today, and I won't see any pictures. I won't hear him say "trick or treat" in the little voice that I imagine he has. This makes me very sad. So while I grieve, I treasure the blessings that I am given. Sometimes life can be so bittersweet.