I've been reading through some of my old posts and I can't believe how much my attitude and my life have changed! I did this on my own, I had the strength in me all along to become the person that I was before Brian, before my life fell apart and I'M BACK! I knew that in time I would get here, but I wasn't sure that I would be able to really recover from the past four years. It's amazing to me to look back and see this complete 180.
I was out running errands with Jude today and as he was babbling in the backseat, it dawned on me how truly blessed I am. I feel sheepish that it's taken me so long to see it so clearly. I'm still living with the parents, but given a few minor arguments, we're relating to one another much better these days. I know they're just as happy as I am about my job. This is the first time that I can honestly say that I'm happy to go to work everyday. I get along well with my coworkers and I feel like I'm a part of something again. Brian's voice no longer echos in my head telling me that I'm worthless and no one will ever want to be around me. I don't have to act like someone I'm not, these people actually like all my quirks.
It's been a long time since I've felt this sense of accomplishment. Being a single mom is hard and I've done it without complaint because I'm so lucky to be a mother, but I'll finally be able to support my son and I and help with all of my little angels. I feel so guilty about whining to God constantly. I've been so angry with Him because it seemed like things were never going to get any better, but here I sit and I realize that He did all of this, I just needed to be patient. I can't even remember the depression anymore and it feels like the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. To put it simply, I love my life and I don't want to waste any more time feeling sorry for myself.
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